Our long national nightmare has finally come to an end and we can all sleep soundly knowing that Fall Out Boy are no more, or are they?

In an interview with British magazine Kerrang!, Pete Wentz acknowledged the untimely demise of his band and admitted that it was ultimately all his own doing.

“My biggest personal reason for taking a break is that I feel my name has become a hindrance for the band,” Wentz said. “[Frontman Patrick Stump] is a musical genius and it’s unfortunate that he gets reviewed based on whatever’s going on in my personal life or how my hair looks.”

Wentz went on to say that his newfound tabloid celebrity has brought upon undeserved attention and an overabundance of Emo self-loathing.

“A lot of people think Fall Out Boy is me, but it’s the four of us,” he said. “I want to f*cking vomit when I read intros that say, ‘Pete Wentz: accidental internet poster boy.’ It makes me feel ugly.”

However, during a bizarre argument over semantics, Wentz told MTV News that drummer Andy Hurley’s use of the term “hiatus” in a recent Twitter posting was taken out of context by an elite liberal media.

“It’s weird because, if you look it up in the dictionary, ‘hiatus’ is a synonym for ‘a break.’ We’re on a break that doesn’t have a definite ending. There’s no ending date,” Wentz insisted. “We’ve been doing this for eight years straight, where it was pre-recording, record, promo tour, tour pre-recording record, tour, tour, and our band was going to imminently implode.”

Still unconvinced that people were able to grasp the concept of needing rest, Wentz delved further into the subject with another “Webster’s Dictionary defines…” nugget.

“I don’t think I would use the word ‘hiatus’ because I think that word has gotten a dirty name, especially if you say ‘indefinite hiatus,’” he said. “I wouldn’t use the word ‘breakup’ because that’s not true. It’s a break – we’re decompressing. I’m making a new term for it: we’re decompressing right now.”

Say what you will of Pete Wentz, but simply put, the man is a saint.

Not only did he fall on the grenade for the rest of us when he married Ashlee Simpson, but Wentz did what no other person could, and has finally silenced the tragically tone deaf singer (I use the term loosely) for good.

According to some random music blog I’ve never heard of, Simpson has allegedly called it quits and for the time being intends to focus her attention on raising her newborn son Bronx.

Fans of the inexplicably talentless Pop starlet need not fret, because Simpson plans to find other avenues to suck at, which may or may not include a completely misguided acting career.

“She’s reading scripts. Acting is her focus now,” an anonymous source told Contact Music in an interview. “If she had an album, she’d have to tour and be away from Bronx. She wants consistency.”

However, Simpson’s acting career is also off to a bit of a rocky start, as Melrose Place producers recently announced they would be parting ways with the equally inept actress.

“She’s the worst actress, but nobody will tell her,” another faceless coward told US Weekly.

In retaliation, her sister Jessica publically bashed the back from the dead 90’s television melodrama on her Twitter account.

“CW catching up on MP. Who writes this crap? I have had bad scripts to work with, but this? Thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press,” she wrote and I edited for the sake of making it somewhat comprehensible.

Although many credit Minor Threat’s Ian MacKaye for inspiring the creation of Emo, Kansas City’s own The Get Up Kids definitely played a part in bringing the universally reviled subgenre to prominence, and they aren’t none too pleased about it.

“If this is the world we helped create, then I apologize,” James Suptic told British newspaper the Guardian.

Professional douchebag Pete Wentz told the Alternative Press in 2005 that it was bands like the Get Up Kids who initially inspired him to pick up an instrument, something Suptic wishes he could travel back in time (a la Jean-Claude Van Damme or Marty McFly) and remedy.

“If a band gets huge and they say we inspired them – great,” he said. “The problem is most of them aren’t very good. What does that say about us? I don’t know. Maybe we sucked.”

You are correct! Tell him what he’s won, Rod.

Another innocent child was saddled with a ridiculous name, proving once and for all that court ordered sterilization is America’s last remaining hope.

Good Charlotte guitarist Billy Martin and current wife Linzi, birthed one Breavyn Kingslee Martin on January 26 in Pasadena, California.

The healthy bundle of joy was the most recent casualty of a disturbing trend permeating throughout Hollywood.

Other human rights violators include Ashlee Simpson and Fall Out Boy husband Pete Wentz, who named their first born Bronx Mowgli, presumably inspired by a newspaper word jumble.

However, the most egregious offender comes in the form of famed concert organizer and performer, Bob Geldof, who condemned each of his daughters to a life of eternal ridicule, by naming them Peaches, Pixie, Fifi Trixibelle, and Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lilly.

It’s rumored that Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and gorgeous wife Gwyneth Paltrow, plan to one-up everyone, by naming their next born after a Fortune 500 company or a series of inaudible grunts.

Still dissatisfied with merely bringing about the destruction of the entire human race, Pete Wentz has decided to play the role of Nero, performing his unique brand of insipid rock music, while the world continues to burn.

Fall Out Boy will release untold amounts of sound pollution amidst the sprawling urban decay of Philadelphia, Cleveland, and Detroit.