Say what you will of Pete Wentz, but simply put, the man is a saint.
Not only did he fall on the grenade for the rest of us when he married Ashlee Simpson, but Wentz did what no other person could, and has finally silenced the tragically tone deaf singer (I use the term loosely) for good.
According to some random music blog I’ve never heard of, Simpson has allegedly called it quits and for the time being intends to focus her attention on raising her newborn son Bronx.
Fans of the inexplicably talentless Pop starlet need not fret, because Simpson plans to find other avenues to suck at, which may or may not include a completely misguided acting career.
“She’s reading scripts. Acting is her focus now,” an anonymous source told Contact Music in an interview. “If she had an album, she’d have to tour and be away from Bronx. She wants consistency.”
However, Simpson’s acting career is also off to a bit of a rocky start, as Melrose Place producers recently announced they would be parting ways with the equally inept actress.
“She’s the worst actress, but nobody will tell her,” another faceless coward told US Weekly.
In retaliation, her sister Jessica publically bashed the back from the dead 90’s television melodrama on her Twitter account.
“CW catching up on MP. Who writes this crap? I have had bad scripts to work with, but this? Thank God my sister is amazing and got you some press,” she wrote and I edited for the sake of making it somewhat comprehensible.
Although many credit Minor Threat’s Ian MacKaye for inspiring the creation of Emo, Kansas City’s own The Get Up Kids definitely played a part in bringing the universally reviled subgenre to prominence, and they aren’t none too pleased about it.
Another innocent child was saddled with a ridiculous name, proving once and for all that court ordered sterilization is America’s last remaining hope.