Posts Tagged ‘Oasis’

Snoop Dogg asks and answers all his own questions.

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

Snoop Dogg conveniently marks his territory.It’s been less than a month since the Brothers Gallagher parted ways, and the Hip Hop world is already on watch, bidding their time as they wait to mark their territory with yet another ill conceived Rap/Rock collaboration.

Snoop “D.O. Double G” Dogg recently expressed his interest in signing Noel Gallagher to a lucrative record contract as his first move as Priority Records’ newest creative director.

“Would I sign Noel Gallagher Hell yeah, I’m definitely trying to find a rock band right now,” Snoop told the New Music Express. “Would I collaborate with him? Yeah, definitely. Set it up…I love his style.”

Hearing the news, East Coast rival Jay-Z chimed in with his own out-of-left-field announcement.

“I hear Snoop Dogg might be teaming up with Noel. If that’s the case then I would love to work with Liam,” the incredibly childish and petty rapper/mogul told British tabloid The Sun. “Their (Oasis’) music is tight and I think we could blend our styles well.”

An ever optimistic Jay-Z believes the collaboration would yield a hit on par with his highly profitable 2004 partnership with Linkin Park, whose Collision Course remix album sold nearly 2 million copies.

“When I teamed up with Linkin Park nobody expected that to work, but we made a massive success of it,” he said. “The same could happen with Liam.”

Hate to say I told you so.

Monday, August 31st, 2009

Noel Gallagher will be back. They always come back.

The writing was on the wall for the Brothers Gallagher, who just last week issued a cryptic PR endorsed message via their official website proclaiming their devotion to all things Oasis.

To no one’s surprise, it was all a complete load of bullsh*t as days later the two happy siblings were embroiled in a heated argument back stage at Paris’ Rock en Seine music festival, after which Noel promptly announced that he was quitting the band.

“As of last Friday, August 28, I have been forced to leave the Manchester rock ‘n’ roll pop group Oasis,” he wrote on his official Oasisinet.com blog.

Noel went on to point the finger at his younger brother Liam and their management, who he claims forced his hand in the matter.

“The details are not important and of too great a number to list,” he wrote. “But I feel you have the right to know that the level of verbal and violent intimidation towards me, my family, friends and comrades has become intolerable. And the lack of support and understanding from my management and bandmates has left me with no other option than to get me cape and seek pastures new.”

He closed by boldly proclaiming that fans had yet to see the last of him.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a family and a football team to indulge,” he wrote. “I’ll see you somewhere down the road. It’s been a f*ckin’ pleasure.”

Mark my words, Oasis will be back. It’s only a matter of time before Noel’s solo career implodes and Liam’s mounting debt persuades him to kiss and make up.

So much for brotherly love…

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Liam and Noel face off for the Welterweight belt.How the Brothers Gallagher haven’t brutally beaten each other to death is beyond me, yet in a rare demonstration of sibling affection, Liam made public his support for Noel’s recent foray as a solo artist.

“If doing a solo album makes him happy, yeah, it makes him happy,” Liam told the New Music Express in an interview. “It would sound very civilized I reckon that’s a f*cking awful thing, but maybe it’s a good thing for him.”

Along with foreshadowing his brother’s failure, Liam went on to suggest that Noel’s time would have been better served working on another Oasis album.

“If it was up to me I’d have six months off and then get straight back in the studio and make records,” he said. “That’s what I’m in Oasis for. I’m not here to f*cking sit around for five years twiddling my thumbs.”

In other related news, a faceless public relations firm felt the need to reaffirm Oasis’ commitment to making new music.

“Oasis will complete the rest of the world tour in Europe and then take some well-earned time off before they begin to think about the next album and tour,” a well-paid PR representative wrote on their official website.

Expect an official announcement of their band’s demise in the not too distant future.

Midnight at the Oasis

Monday, March 2nd, 2009

Liam Gallagher successfully defends his drunken bar room brawl belt.

British ne’erdowells and “Wonderwall” pioneers, Oasis, were denied waivers by the Chinese government, after discovering the band had participated in a Free Tibet concert many moons ago.

The brothers Gallagher were scheduled to perform for the first time at Beijing’s Capital Arena and the Shanghai Grand Stage in April that was until Chinese officials abruptly changed their stance on the matter.

“According to the show’s promoters, officials within the Chinese Ministry of Culture only recently discovered that Noel Gallagher appeared at a Free Tibet Benefit Concert on Randall’s Island in New York in 1997, and have now deemed that the band are consequently unsuitable to perform to their fans in the Chinese Republic, during its 60th anniversary year,” an Oasis spokesperson wrote in a lengthy press release.

Ironically, the Ministry of Culture could have easily avoided this public relations nightmare, had their country’s search engines not been censored by the government.

The Tibetan independent movement began in the late 80’s and was popularized by Hollywood celebrities, who regularly champion the cause despite having no prior knowledge about the complex nature of territorial sovereignty.

China further tightened its already restrictive guidelines following a controversial appearance last year by Bjork, in which the Icelandic nymph began repeatedly chanting “Tibet” after a performance of “Declare Independence”.