Posts Tagged ‘Hypocrisy’

Elton John wants nothing to do with Love’s Hole.

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

Courtney Love is a cold mess.Needing another Get Rich Quick scheme to recoup the millions of dollars she inhaled, snorted, and injected over the years, Courtney Love has begun promoting Hole’s upcoming forth studio album Nobody’s Daughter, which was originally set for release in 2007.

Love admitted to pulling out all the stops in an interview with Q Magazine, including a futile attempt to enlist the help of Elton John, who wasn’t the first or last member of the male species to turn down the drug addled singer.

“We wanted Elton, but we got this guy that Bono and me were talking about,” Love said. “He played at New York’s Carnegie Hall. He’s very deft. I don’t know that I really could have made Elton get on a plane and come to me!”

Melissa Auf der Maur is the only returning member participating in this sham of a reunion, after Love announced she would be replacing disgruntled guitarist Eric Erlandson with British musician Micko Larkin.

The former Grunge icon initially hesitated when hiring Larkin, given his past history of alcohol abuse.

“He was known to be a very good guitarist, but was also known to be a very copious drinker,” Love said. “It’s something that really pisses me off about English culture sometimes. I love England and I want to live in Buckinghamshire, but I do not want to go to drinking parties where they pay for the coke. That’s just retarded to me.”

Because, why pay for something that you can get for free?

John Mayer calls kettle black.

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

John Mayer ponders meaning of life, and then has sex with it.Tabloid mainstay John Mayer claims celebrities make for terrible musicians, while simultaneously pleading immunity to the many pitfalls that come with fame.

“You can’t make music as a famous person,” Mayer told British newspaper The Guardian. “Famous people make really bad records, so I make music as a musician.”

Mayer went on to say that he often spends up to 14 hours a day in his recording studio, churning out insipid Pop songs for the masses, but insists he’s yet to let his baffling popularity go to his head.

“I’ve read people say I was the sh*t and I’ve read people say I am sh*t,” he said. “I don’t have to prove anything anymore – all I have to do is play.”

The extremely hateable musician also claims that his many liaisons with the opposite sex have little impact on his career, which he says is entirely motivated by a desire to not suck.

“Now my motivation is not so that people know my name, it’s not so I can make money, it’s not so I can meet girls,” Mayer said. ‘My motivation is to prove to people that you can buck the trend, that it’s not an absolute that if you can be really successful, then you’re gonna start sucking.”

Yeah, good luck with that.

More irritating than a Hollywood celebrity with a cause…

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

David Byrne is all smiles.There is nothing I loathe more in this world than hypocrisy, yet I’m continuously bombarded by it.

It exists in every leather-clad vegan and environmentalist, in each faux-punker signed to a lucrative record contract, and in all Pro-Lifers who swear by the death penalty (sanctity of life my *ss).

However, no person has been guiltier of saying one thing and doing another than U2’s beloved Bono, whose holier-than-thou championing of poverty, famine, and global pandemics have made him a modern day saint in the eyes of an easily swayed public, but David Byrne would beg to differ.

The former Talking Heads frontman had trouble understanding why someone so concerned with global warming and the welfare of the impoverished would spend millions of dollars to put on an elaborate live tour, which would leave behind a huge carbon footprint in the process.

“Those stadium shows may possibly be the most extravagant and expensive (production-wise) ever: $40 million to build the stage and having done the math, we estimate 200 semi trucks crisscrossing Europe for the duration” Byrne wrote on his official website. “It could be professional envy speaking here, but it sure looks like, well overkill, and just a wee bit out of balance given all the starving people in Africa and all.”

Not above being petty and vindictive, Byrne went on to accost U2 for stealing a potential late night show appearance right from underneath his nose.

“Or maybe it’s the fact that we were booted off our Letterman spot so U2 could keep their exclusive week-long run that’s making me less than charitable,” he wrote.

Pink On Tour

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

Fans of Pink (pause for inappropriate laughter) will be happy to know that the faux-punk singer still has a handful of dates remaining on her United States tour.

Witness the hypocrisy of someone who earns millions of dollars each year rebelling against the very same institution she depends on, at shows in the HP Pavilion, Jobing.com Arena, and Staples Center.

Uninformed musicians offer their opinions, sky still blue.

Tuesday, April 7th, 2009

Lily Allen speaks on behalf of the impoverished and destitute.Musicians were in rare form this week, as several pop culture staples pompously aired their grievances to throngs of unsuspecting fans.

Among the social activists was one Lily Allen, who dedicated her song “F*ck You” to the late 43rd President of the United States.

“This song is about George W. Bush, who by the way I’m quite happy isn’t president anymore,” the Bedazzled British chanteuse said during a performance at the Wiltern Theatre in Los Angeles.

In ironic fashion, Fall Out Boy, lampooned Corporate America (whose teat they’ve suckled at from their inception) on their Believers Never Die: Part Deux tour.

The faux-rebels dawned Donald Trump wigs and patronizing business attire designed to illicit blood thirsty screams from the audience.

According to a nameless Rolling Stone concert reviewer, Pete Wentz greeted fans to their “corporate retreat” and explained that the concert was nothing more than an elaborate seminar for money making secrets.

Step one: pretend to give a sh*t about the same people you plan to exploit for profit.

Step two: sell your soul to the highest bidder.

Step three: wear eyeliner and androgynous clothing.

Step four: repeat steps one through three as needed.

Even Bob Dylan was in on the act, as he extolled his theory behind President Barack Obama’s political ascension to Bill Flanagan of The Times Online.

“First off, his mother was a Kansas girl. Never lived in Kansas though, but with deep roots. You know, like Kansas bloody Kansas. John Brown the Insurrectionist. Jesse James and Quantrill, Bushwhackers, Guerillas, Wizard of Oz Kansas. I think Barack has Jefferson Davis back there in his ancestry someplace,” he said.

R.I.P. Bob Dylan’s Sanity 1941-2009

Family urinates on Bob Marley’s remains.

Sunday, February 15th, 2009

Bob “Dances With Vacuums” Marley & Me asks Jah for the name of a good image consultant.The surviving members of the Bob Marley lineage have partnered with a faceless equity firm to license his likeness for sale to the highest bidder.

Hilco Consumer Capital will attach the reggae legend’s namesake to a myriad of eco-friendly products including luggage, stationary, and non-biodegradable plastic collectibles.

They have also announced the possibility of a future Marley themed video game, presumably a Wii-motion enabled bong simulator featuring an unlockable Michael Phelps character skin.

Trademarked phrases such as “Tuff Gong”, “Catch A Fire”, “One Love”, “Three Little Birds”, and “Relics of Antiquity” could potentially adorn blood diamond encrusted baby seal clubs sometime soon, because I’m pretty he would have wanted it that way.

Springsteen tells working man to f*ck themselves.

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

Bruce Springsteen performs in front of the Lincoln Memorial.Bruce Springsteen once famously sang about the destitute and downtrodden on the bleak and soul-crushing Nebraska.

Now the everyman messiah finds himself in the awkward position of selling his upcoming album Working on a Dream exclusively at Wal Mart, whose cost cutting mantra and record high profits have come at the expense of its own workers.

One can’t help but see the decision of a man who proudly championed the causes of the same blue collar workers that are consistently denied health care and a living wage by their employers, as anything but the height of hypocrisy.

But, surely the Boss has some sort of explanation to justify this blatant disregard for his fan base and the fundamental spirit of his music, right?

I’m afraid not, Springsteen has remained uncharacteristically quiet, and has yet to comment on the subject.

Let’s just hope he clears things up before his scheduled appearance at the Super Bowl halftime show, brought to you by Doritos, Coca Cola, and any other faceless corporation with enough money to pay the exorbitant advertising costs.

Other recent Wal Mart exclusives include albums from country rock sell-outs, the Eagles, and heavy metal turncoats, AC/DC.