An e-coli bacterial infection (presumably obtained from the regular consumption of meat) has sidelined Elton John for the next few weeks.
The Rocket Man was already forced to cancel several shows in the United Kingdom and has announced the postponement of scheduled performances at Seattle’s Key Arena and the Rose Garden Arena in Portland.
Due to the severity of the illness, it is still uncertain whether or not other dates will be affected.
Millions have lost their jobs, homes, and sanity in the wake of the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, but nothing quite hits home like news of a flamboyantly gay millionaire being forced to wear the same sequined jacket twice in one week.
The British Broadcasting Corporation is reporting that Sir Elton John has been financially sodomized by the volatile international market, and not in the good way.
In 2008, John was worth an estimated $345 million, but has since seen that amount drop by a staggering 26 percent in less than one year to a paltry $255 million.
Analysts believe the “Tiny Dancer” singer’s hard hit portfolio has more to do with the spiraling music industry than the current state of the world economy.
Other notable welfare cases include former pop sensation Robbie Williams and Coachella headliner Sir Paul McCartney, who lost $37 and $87 million respectively.
This trend should only continue to worsen as people become less inclined to spend while the specter of potential unemployment looms in the distance.
Hate to say I told you so, but this is what happens when you let you’re political judgment get clouded by visions of life partners and back alley abortions.
The Rocket Man and Piano Man’s co-headlining North American tour is nearing its end.
Listen to Elton John’s inappropriate sodomy jokes and hear walking DUI, Billy Joel, recount his arduous two days of sobriety at the Honda Center in Southern California or Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts.