An unearthed interview with Michael Jackson revealed that the King of Pop had some misgivings about his iconic album Thriller prior to its release in 1982, but it was nothing a handful of nubile prepubescent children couldn’t remedy.
According to News of the World, a British based entertainment publication, Jackson told interviewers that he intended to scrap the entire album upon listening to it for the first time.
“Thriller sounded so crap. The mixes sucked. When we listened to the whole album, there were tears…I just cried like a baby,” Jackson said. “I stormed out of the room and said, ‘We’re not releasing this. Call [record company] CBS and tell them they are not getting this album. We are not releasing this.’”
Hoping to ease his mind and find new inspiration, Jackson did what any completely heterosexual man would do in a time of crisis; he went to a public school and stared at children all day.
“One of the maintenance crew in the studio had a bicycle and so I took it and rode up to the schoolyard,” he said. “I just watched the children play. When I came back I was ready to rule the world. I went into the studio and I turned them songs out.”
Not since The Professional has there been a more touching display of pedophilia.
In related news, a separate lost interview was recently made public by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, in which the hopelessly naïve singer implied that Adolf Hitler was the greatest showman the world had ever known.
“Hitler was a genius orator,” Jackson said. “To make that many people turn and change and hate, he had to be a showman and he was.”
Come on, everyone knows Hitler was just Paul McCartney to Joseph Stalin’s John Lennon.
Tags: Adolf Hitler, Michael Jackson, Pedophilia, The Professional, Thriller